The Ugly Truth About a Tri-Family

Okay, here goes nothing…. I’m about to get real honest here; The Valdes Team home base is usually a mess. No, not the kind of mess where there’s just a little dust because things weren’t dusted one week. I’m talking about tornado kind of aftermath and gym locker room smells!

The reality is that it’s damn hard to balance family, work, hobbies, and all the million daily responsibilities that modern society bombards us with. Adulting is just plain HARD, especially when you still feel like a kid at heart and want to have F-U-N with life. It’s a blessing when family help is available or parents have other adults living within the home to help with chores and children, but #teamvaldes never really has that. #teamvaldes grandparents are still too healthy, vibrant, and still have too much zest for thier own lives (damn nutrition and modern medicine, 😆). Although, it truly takes a village to raise children sometimes…. definitely one of the hardest challenges we’ve ever embarked on!

The point is that Team Valdes is just your average 4-person family of two parents and two children trying to balance and achieve it all together. Sure, our home could be emaculate if we just cooked, washed, cleaned, scrubbed, and dusted all day, but when would we swim, bike, run, train, play with the kids, or chauffeur their little privileged butts around town to get them to their hobbies and activities of interest? Our house could smell like a field of lavender just married a grove of Gardenia’s, but the reality is that we sweat EVERYDAY because we all train and practice something EVERYDAY. When it comes to laundry, 75% of it consists of stinky activewear. And we’re just talking about the home; the car will be a topic for another day! 😂

 

We are a family who is always in and out. The result? It fulfills us… internally. I works for us. We thrive (mentally, physically, and emotionally) on activity and fitness. Not in a weird, obsessive, conceited sort of way, but in a mental, refreshing, ready-to-handle-anything-after-working-out type of way. It makes us happier, healthier. It makes us better spouses, parents, friends. It’s our free, organic medicine. It’s not just the physical aspect, but also the presence outdoors, within nature, the organic part of our world. We’ve always felt there is some strong connection/force/energy between humanity and the natural world that lifts, encourages, touches the spirit, the soul. It’s free therapy and we’ll take a little of it everyday!

Life is full of choices. Team Valdes chooses to spend the limited time in this world doing as much as possible of anything that makes us feel whole, complete. We wake up knowing tomorrow is not a guarantee for either one of us and TRY (it can be hard sometimes!) to focus on the here, now, today. We wake up and choose to love, live, open our eyes to the bright and beauty, and have as much fun along the journey!

It works for us. Everyone is different and everyone’s situations or experiences are different; There is so much beauty in that uniqueness! Find whatever works for you and go for it! Find some beauty amongst the thorn patch, some light within the darkness.  After all, no one really cares and in the end there will always be those who’d rather judge because nothing will EVER be perfect. It would be too easy!

Here’s to sweat, smells, love, laughter, and life! 😘

P.S. Feel free to stop by whenever! If you don’t mind the chaos, we don’t mind it either! Don’t worry, you might just stop by on a good day when everything appears in prefect order.

Reality Vs. Dreams

Parenting is a tough business! You do the best you can with what you have and what you know and pray for the best. There are no guarantees in parenting. This is true for every aspect of parenting, including supporting your child’s athletic goals.

Every now and then you come across a young athlete with natural athleticism, natural coordination, and a natural drive, passion to train hard to accomplish what they want. As parents, we want to give our children the most we can. We want to support them all the way, see them happy, see them succeed. We want to provide them with the world! The reality, however, is that we can only give them so much. The reality is that resources are limited, always.

When it comes to parenting, the most valuable resources are time and finances. Children need our time and they rely on our finances, but these are some of our most limited resources. I know families who can provide a significant amount of money for their children, but limited time. I also know families who don’t have significant financial resources, but give their children lots of their time. Then there are the lucky few, I mean VERY few, who can actually provide both. All that is fine and great. It doesn’t really matter one way or the other where we fall because the reality of the matter is that balance is the key to everything in life. We have to come to terms with where we fall and learn to be satisfied, happy with what we have rather, than always looking to what others have or what we want. At the end of the day we need to accept the cards we were dealt and learn to be thankful for where we are. Sure, it could always be better, but then again, it could always be much, much worse. Perspective. Acceptance. Balance.

Recently, we have been struggling with supporting our son in his athletic endeavors. He has tried many sports and enjoys a wide range of outdoor activities, but he is an individual sport kind of kid, like his momma was. He has taken a passion for Tennis, which I admit our family is a little biased towards considering his father was a Tennis coach for some time. Our house was always full of tennis balls and racquets. He was swinging a racquet and hitting balls against the walls inside our home since he was 2 years old. He had a natural coordination and liking for it. Today, at 9 years old, he still hits tennis balls against the walls of his room and could spend hours doing this! He asks to play EVERYDAY. He exhibits a fire to train, to play, to always be out on the court. No one put this in him. No one forces him to be this way. This is who he is, how he was created. This is special because there are two very important things that athletes require: 1 – talent, and 2 – drive, passion, fire. One without the other is useless, but both is like a perfect recipe and it gets noticed.

“He needs more time.”

“Spend some more time on him…Trust me!”

“Just a few more hours a week…You’re going to regret it if you don’t because time flys by and one day you’ll look back and regret that you didn’t!”

“Find a way. If you can’t provide him the extra time, find someone who will. He can do it.”

We hear it all the time. We hear it often. The worst part is that we know they’re right. Our son has the ingredients to be good at his sport of choice. The rest is up to us, as his parents, as his support team. But how much are we willing to give up, to sacrifice ourselves to provide him with more? How much can we realistically provide? The fact is that we are a busy working family with two children. We NEED to work to feed, clothe, and shelter our children. We NEED to work to provide them with the finances to allow them to pursue their interests. Work takes time and I don’t want this family to work itself to the bone, work itself dry and miss out on truly living, to try to provide for the financial means of one’s dream. It also isn’t fair to sacrifice one child for the dreams of another.  I am a firm believer that life needs balance, family needs balance.

My husband would love to provide us all with the world, the moon, the stars, and everything in the galaxy, but at some point he needs to face reality. I know that if he were given the option to provide us all with anything we ever wanted or needed at the cost of him slaving away for the rest of his life, he may very well take it, but the fact is that it still wouldn’t be good enough without him. My husband wants to provide our son with all the personal coaches, trainings, equipment, and possibility that he craves, but is it really everything? At what cost would it come? Would it cost us our family? Would it cost him his own athletic ambitions?

The reality is that no matter how much our son wants success, I know he wants, needs, his family more. He wants, needs, his father more. I think it’s ok to simply do our best and try our hardest, whatever that may be as long as we don’t sacrifice what’s important – our family. With that, there are vital components necessary to making a family work. Each individual’s mental, physical, spiritual, and intellectual health needs to be considered for an overall healthy family.

In the end, we just need to know that we’re trying the best we can, doing everything within our hands, and be satisfied with whatever that means. We need to accept that some things are out of our hands, out of our control, and leave them to God to finish. After all, I am a firm believer that anything meant to be, will be, one way or the other. We can’t let the guilt steal our joy because the reality is that we already have a lot to be thankful for. There is a bigger picture than just our son, the athlete, that we have to focus on and nourish; There is our son, a future man, husband, father, leader, individual, and it’s going to take all of our family to help shape him into the best of all of those roles.

So, here’s to acceptance, balance, and joy today, tomorrow, and always! ❤️